Fear & Desire

Tonight I logged into my own webpage. On the first computer I ever owned, a 2009 MacBook Pro. I had a friend with an apple laptop and he said they were the best for nincompoop’s. Admittedly not in so many words.. Couldn’t be more fitting. The first time I turned this machine on I was sweating and shaking. I had no idea what being online meant; it was a totally uknown world to me. Mysterious and scary, completely beyond my experience. I was 56 years old and clueless. Not much different now in many ways, but at least I’m not in fear of who may be looking through the camera. Not that I have any idea who is ..I just don’t care now. It’s a peculiar thing how the ‘Cyber World’ has become so familiar and an essential part of my life. My online existence is fundamental to who I am now. My relationships with people from across the globe are part of my very real life. I will likely never meet some of these people at all. But I am deeply attached to them through shared activity and the immediacy of Discord. Computers have become my window into the world. They entertain, amuse and educate. I spend hours every week driving a Simulated car in virtual reality, then spend further hours writing about it and then sharing it online. I learned how to then built a most beautiful computer by accessing the many ‘Tech’ experts on YouTube; particularly ‘Pauls Hardware’ Quite a change from the terrified 56 year old who first pressed the go button on this most worthy and treasured machine.

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